no problem,
today after work - i'm going to get myself a pedicure, buy myself some flowers, and then cook myself a meal - treats for hobs, and a good cleaning in the kitchen.
maybe finish it off with a bath and watch some mindless dribble on the laptop in the bath.
and make the plan for the rest of the week:
apply to corus job
apply to ideacouture
apply to the other job listing i found
ask to meet with cuppa for hellos
start making notes on what i wanna say to my boss about this job
and last but not least - think up ways to be self serving again tomorow.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
possibly, this be the period in life where i'm unconsciously collecting travel friends to take on the next part of life. together with our thirst for life, adventure, and basically anything other than what we've got now... i think these travels will very much figure out what comes next.
save save save save
read read read
would like to be riding busses fast along curvy hills, people hitching in the middle of the night into nowhere - nights in marakesh sitting on the floor in plaza's with kids running around playing soccer and woman praying in corners.
looking into people's eyes and really feeling we're Doing something.
and of course listening to radiohead. ;)
save save save save
read read read
would like to be riding busses fast along curvy hills, people hitching in the middle of the night into nowhere - nights in marakesh sitting on the floor in plaza's with kids running around playing soccer and woman praying in corners.
looking into people's eyes and really feeling we're Doing something.
and of course listening to radiohead. ;)
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
not even sure where to begin
other than, between myself and close friends, we're all dealing with a whole lot of our own. I keep trying to explain all of us to one another, but can't help but wonder in the back of my head mostly just why, and if there's any point. also that maybe it's just not our respective business'. or is it?
starting to get mostly tired of all of this in my own head business... would really like another head to peak in. i talk and i talk and i talk and repeat these things that I "believe"... but at the end of the day, even I'm tired of my own thoughts. I would really like some fresh perspective. and a new way to look at things.
a situation to bring back value to this whole haze called life. it's not always supposed to be so hazy. i'd like to feel certain and secure, and invested in something I feel is worthwhile. and it should be easy, because it's real, it's felt, and sincere.
ahh... but it's not so easy...
other than, between myself and close friends, we're all dealing with a whole lot of our own. I keep trying to explain all of us to one another, but can't help but wonder in the back of my head mostly just why, and if there's any point. also that maybe it's just not our respective business'. or is it?
starting to get mostly tired of all of this in my own head business... would really like another head to peak in. i talk and i talk and i talk and repeat these things that I "believe"... but at the end of the day, even I'm tired of my own thoughts. I would really like some fresh perspective. and a new way to look at things.
a situation to bring back value to this whole haze called life. it's not always supposed to be so hazy. i'd like to feel certain and secure, and invested in something I feel is worthwhile. and it should be easy, because it's real, it's felt, and sincere.
ahh... but it's not so easy...
Friday, July 4, 2008
I have just been the purveyor of some serious dramatics, and for this now, I feel stress.
But before I get into this, lets talk about my race towards scoring the perfect blogspot url, which had me stumbling across some awesome blogs. First and foremost, I believe I tried to chose lifeafterlove.blogspot.com . After that (which felt assuring, like if this person was able to do it, they wtf can't i? and sure, it's been 3 months and i'm still asking "why can't you love me?", but at least i'm not boiling bunnies, right?), I felt the need for inafit.blogspot.com - which was again taken, but not populated with anything at all. making me think that this inafit was in such a fit they simply split. but my favourite is absolutely my third unavailable choice: makeupyourmind.blogspot.com .
After a little reading, i think this chap's a highschool football player with a groin for less than jake and rise against. and lemme tell ya, lots of quotes from both those bands. but what got me most was a very honest and bona fide, not overly thought out, and i think rather quick to spit message:
"i have no clue what the hell is going on right now and i really really really really wish i had a clue of what anyone wanted, or what anyone cares about. i need something to know.."
wow, could that have been put any more perfectly. I need something to know. truly. i need something to know. i need to belong to something. a belongs by association, and not possession.
it's been a fucked up ride. i feel like all along, we grow up learning how to look out for ourselves, to take care of number one, cliffs are for avoiding, and candy is never to be from taken from strangers... but as for matters of the heart? here I walked in blind. i walked in blind, got lucky for some steps, and then head first on the side of the doorway, down the stairs (tumbling), and i'm stuck bleeding. and yet... still lookin for more stairs. In the same fuckin'apartment! FUCKD! EFFED! STUPID. stupid. and yet i can't even begin to think about the stupidity.
But before I get into this, lets talk about my race towards scoring the perfect blogspot url, which had me stumbling across some awesome blogs. First and foremost, I believe I tried to chose lifeafterlove.blogspot.com . After that (which felt assuring, like if this person was able to do it, they wtf can't i? and sure, it's been 3 months and i'm still asking "why can't you love me?", but at least i'm not boiling bunnies, right?), I felt the need for inafit.blogspot.com - which was again taken, but not populated with anything at all. making me think that this inafit was in such a fit they simply split. but my favourite is absolutely my third unavailable choice: makeupyourmind.blogspot.com .
After a little reading, i think this chap's a highschool football player with a groin for less than jake and rise against. and lemme tell ya, lots of quotes from both those bands. but what got me most was a very honest and bona fide, not overly thought out, and i think rather quick to spit message:
"i have no clue what the hell is going on right now and i really really really really wish i had a clue of what anyone wanted, or what anyone cares about. i need something to know.."
wow, could that have been put any more perfectly. I need something to know. truly. i need something to know. i need to belong to something. a belongs by association, and not possession.
it's been a fucked up ride. i feel like all along, we grow up learning how to look out for ourselves, to take care of number one, cliffs are for avoiding, and candy is never to be from taken from strangers... but as for matters of the heart? here I walked in blind. i walked in blind, got lucky for some steps, and then head first on the side of the doorway, down the stairs (tumbling), and i'm stuck bleeding. and yet... still lookin for more stairs. In the same fuckin'apartment! FUCKD! EFFED! STUPID. stupid. and yet i can't even begin to think about the stupidity.
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